Helping you to be to be all you can be – changing your emotional wellbeing

Whow!!! I really do have the best job in the world.

Below is a review from a mum who’se son was struggling at school, who didn’t want to go to school, who came out of school crying every day. His emotional wellbeing was being affected so negatively that the resulting behaviour would have resulted in him being ‘left behind’.

I looked for and found Ali because the medical and school system were letting my 8 year old child down. The Child Mental Health Service wouldn’t see him because he didn’t have specific behavioural problems and the schools inclusion worker was very nice but under the pump and 20mins a week wasn’t really effective. As parents we had tried everything we could think of.
He was being bullied, he struggled with playground politics, he wasn’t coping with the mean words being thrown at him, he spent alot of the school day crying and/or getting frustrated, which made the bullying worse, he was getting socially isolated, he was starting to refuse to go to school, his teacher was starting to lose patience and i was feeling like it was all spiraling. I felt like this needed to be resolved now and not wait “until he matures” or “until the bullies get bored”.
From the first day we met Ali my son took to her and the way she spoke and communicated with him. She was open with him and he understood what she did and engaged with her. After one session he was on a high. So happy! Like something had been released. Someone had finally told him HOW to cope with all these feelings he was having. He took his Ollie figure in his pocket to school so when the bad words came he could squeeze the figure and the armour would come up and protect his “heart” and over the next few days he started to work it out. One day saying “there were a few holes in my armour today mum cos some bad words got through but i will make it stronger tomorrow”. And he has built and built up his resilience. He said to me yesterday that a child had been saying mean things and that he had only needed to squeeze Ollie for 5 seconds and he felt ok and didnt cry and the boy left him alone. He was elated.

He hasn’t said he doesn’t want to go to school for ages and seems more confident and happier and the school have noticed a change too. He said he doesn’t want/need to be in social inclusion anymore cos he has Ali now. He doesn’t come out of school in tears looking like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. I am relieved we have found a person and a technique that is so simple but actually genius and it works. It just works! I would recommend anyone spend an hour with Ali and Ollie’s superpowers and guarantee they will come out feeling more resilient, supported and special because they now have superpowers too.

SJ – mum of a now happy 8 year old.

 

Emotional Wellbeing

What I do isn’t rocket science.  Its very simple but of so powerful as it gives the child, the parents, the family the tools to do it themselves whenever they need to.  If we can get to children early enough then what starts as low level anxiety, stress, ‘bob’ , lack of confidence etc it wont develop to the point where a child is excluded or needs to go to one of the overstretched mental health services.

I also don’t call it mental health.  I prefer emotional wellbeing.

 

Taking time to think. Taking time for you

Taking time for you

All I have read and heard about in the media over the last period is about the stress, anxiety and emotional wellbeing of people and how everything is getting too much.  I have also seen an increase in the number of my clients coming to me with related issues.

If an issue is so big its very difficult to be in the ‘moment’.  Or if that phone keeps ringing, people keep asking you questions or you have a full diary you may not have the any time to think.  And that’s important.

I have been very lucky to be able to take time away from the phone, from actual work, and from other people to appreciate the beauty around me but to also give me time to think and arrange my thoughts, to plan my year ahead and to do something that I really enjoy – fishing.

I can’t recommend enough doing something you love or enjoy.  Taking time for you.

 

All Behaviour Serves a Purpose

Behaviour

If we waste time trying to change a behaviour without recognising that the behaviour is as a result of an emotional reaction to something, we will be wasting a lot of time!

Beneath every behaviour is an emotion that created it.  Why? Well the behaviour is trying to voice the emotion or help it in some way.   An example would be:  ‘I feel sad, empty unloved’  The answer ..CAKE!  Okay that is a bit of a sweeping example but its what we do when an emotion is unhappy, not at ease with itself.  That’s why I love the word, DIS-EASE!

Getting to the Root

Traditional therapy spends a lot of time giving you strategies to change a behaviour. Sometimes that works but if you really want to deal with the issue stop pruning branches and go for the root!

Emotions

I can’t change a past event or make your current situation better in any material way.  I can’t find you a nicer husband, better job, well behaved kids, but I can help you deal with all of that by working with you to find the emotion behind all the things that are causing you DIS-EASE.

We create our realities, we choose how to think and feel, we are responsible for how we think and feel, and so if your struggling with something right now, you can spend a lot of time and money trying to change the behaviour the feeling of DIS-EASE has created.  Or you can go to the root, find the underpinning emotion that created the feeling and ask it ‘Why?’  Help it, and if it feels listened too and understood it will quieten down.

Its all about you!

You have have the answers inside you

In a School this week introducing how we can manage our emotions rather than be controlled by them to children from the age of 6 to 11, I came across a quote that really sums it all up.

“There is a soul bird who lives inside us all.
This special bird has the keys to our innermost emotions and feelings. It knows the secret places where we hide away our happiness, anger, joy, jealousy and sorrows.
Are you ready to listen to your soul bird?”
Michal Snunit.

Then today I received a beautiful letter from a client:

I don’t know if you realise just how much you help people like me.

You asked me for a hug and we then went on a journey that for me has given me back the freedom to do the things other people take in their stride – going up and down stairs, using escalators, crossing bridges, getting on and off trains.  Those and more were my phobias.

I honestly don’t know what you did that day, but you told me I would feel different for the next few days.  I left you and as I drove home I felt a weight lifted from me – I felt lighter and nothing ‘got to me’.

I did things my ‘problem’ had instilled in me without thinking.    I walked over bridges and calmly walked up and down unknown stairs to see the penguins with my precious granddaughter aged 3.

I know I can tell xxxx “I’ve got this, I’m ok” and I will be ok.

Thank you just doesn’t seem enough for what you have given back to me.  SMH

This lady found her inner soul bird, her emotions, her Super Power that helped her overcome her phobias and allowed her to spend time with her granddaughter doing those special things, experiencing that special time.  All I did was show her a path to that soul bird, her Super Power, her emotions.  She did the rest.

Burn Out, Stress, Anxiety – Take Time For YOU

Burn Out, Stress, Anxiety

We are warned when we are training about the ‘BURN OUT’ but I don’t think it matters what you do for a living or who you are as it can happen to all of us.

Its all too easy to swallow the stress of getting the job down, the ferrying of your kids about, paying the mortgage and you just keep going – pushing through because if you don’t who will and every other story you tell yourself.

Take it from me, it is so important to find a way to say NO, (if this offends I would suggest you question the relationship!).  Take time away.  An hour in the bath with a non work related book, sit in Hyde Park the listening to music, go fishing, play tennis, whatever is your thing – the world won’t end.

DON’T ignore your bodies warning signals, telling yourself ‘it will be alright’ your just tired….   Down time from whatever you do is so very important and not taking it will result in you not be able to do the things that you want or need to do.

Remember, when on a plane you are told to put your oxygen mask on first so you are strong enough to help others. Nothing you think you have to do is more important than YOU.  If you don’t listen to what your body is telling you, then you wont be able to do the things that are in front of you.

No, I’m not burnt out, but I do have lots on and it’s a timely reminder to ask you all to remember:  TAKE TIME FOR YOU  xxx

Growing Pains in Teenagers – School, Exams and the Stress

Growing Pains

I had a client describe her teenager as a ‘Growing Pain’   Bugger I giggled!

I don’t have kids and although sometimes its a huge regret in my life, sometimes I thank God for sparring me the growing pains or rather having to stand by helplessly why they go through them.

I am getting more and more teenagers in The Hut. Fortunately my normal therapist attire settles them – jeans!

They come because weight issues,self-esteem issues, bullying, but they also come because they get so very strung out over school work and especially exams.

One of the first youngsters I worked with was a lovely lad.  Polite, intelligent, straight A student – or should have been.

But the moment it got near exam time he went into melt down, not eating, not sleeping, becoming withdrawn – becoming a very troubling ‘Growing Pain’.  As we talked he explained that he enjoyed school and found the work easy.  He knew he knew all the answers in most exams, struggled a bit with maths but could not understand why he got in such a state on the day and did not trust the answers he wrote and had panic attacks in the middle of the exam.

I asked how he knew he knew the stuff and he explained that studying in his room, he just knew he knew. If only he could do his exams in his room and not in the exam hall that equated to failure, and panic.

Emotional Anchor

I gave him an Anchor.

No, not a pointy metal thing!! A Thought Anchor.

Before we started I asked him to give his exam fear a score.  Ten out of ten being terrified.  He got 12!!!!!

In a light trance I got him to tell me everything about his room, the decor, the lighting, the sounds and smells, and to notice how relaxed he felt there. When I could see him physically relax and smile at the thought, I lightly touched his wrist, creating a memory Anchor he could use any time.

I asked him to open his eyes and think about the exam room again. On a score of one to ten, ten being terrified, the thought was an down to 2.

Bless him.

I got him to touch his wrist and again the smile and his body relaxed.

He used the Anchor before and during the next exam and was able to place himself in his room rather than the hall.

And guess what??   He sailed through the exam and the next lot, even maths!

If you have a “Growing Pain” going through this, they really don’t have to and although it makes their world better, it will reduce the “pain” level in yours too!

Ali xxx

 

NLP Award Finalist – Alison Knowles

NLP Award Finalist

Wow what an accolade! Ali has been nominated for an international award for NLP training in Education.

She has been been selected, from those nominated, by an independent panel.  The finalists have been chosen on the how they have demonstrated the use of NLP in making a marked difference in the specified area.

The review below explains why Ali has been nominated.

“I met Ali a year ago and she has done so much to transform my family’s lives for the better since then. I couldn’t think of anyone better placed to be nominated for (and maybe to win!) an All in the Mind award.

I was recommended Ali for my son who was dealing with anxiety about 11+ exams. Ali dispensed with those problems in our first free Skype session and went on to help my son with the social problems he was having at school. In a few months he went from dreading school to actively looking forward to going in, and ended the school year winning the school talent contest and with a headmistress’s award for a great attitude towards school.

Amazed by my son’s transformation I apprehensively introduced Ali to my 8 year old daughter, who has been struggling with trichotillomania for around 3 years. She had had a string of therapists – all of whom had been ineffectual – but I was beginning to feel that if anyone could help, Ali could. My daughter was a difficult proposition, she is smart and manipulative and wised up to all the tricks in every therapists’ book. Ali recognised this immediately and also saw that my daughter’s biggest problem was that she was addicted to the attention she got from therapists and therefore had no motivation to stop pulling her hair out. Fast forward 6 months and Edie has gone nearly 40 days without pulling – a personal record.

Ali has a gift – she is not only incredibly astute about the root cause of different children’s problems but she uses her knowledge to reach different personalities in different ways, uniquely mixing her personal blend of “Ollie and his Superpowers”, hypnotherapy and NLP. Her methods seem so simple but the best ideas – the ones that can actually revolutionise the way we do things – almost always are.

Ali has helped me so much personally as well – not only through helping my children to become so much happier and fulfil their potential – but also by recognising that I needed help myself with the anxiety, negativity and perfectionism that was clouding my judgement about my children and myself. I really can speak from first hand experience about the way Ali appears to ‘see through’ a person and unlock the root cause of their ‘baggage’ – the kind so many of us have and that stops us from getting the most out of our lives.

I don’t know where myself or my family would be today without Ali. She has helped us immeasurably and I truly think she’s some sort of therapist genius (between my children and I we have seen at least 7 other therapists and one time or another so I have points of comparison!)

I hope Ali/Ollie and his Superpowers wins this award because I know that her dream is to help as many children as possible at as little cost as possible, and this award would bring that dream a step closer to becoming a reality.”  Polly

To find out more about training with Alison please go to https://www.ollieandhissuperpowers.com/pages/become-an-ollie-coach

Client Review – Allowing kids to grow

Helping you to be the best you can be

Helping children and adults be all they can be is why I wanted to be a therapist.  Every time someone comes to me there is change*.  At first they may not notice it or think that it is just something that happened but over a relatively short time this change becomes a permanent thing growing each time.  And the best thing is that my clients are doing it all themselves.  All I have done is shown them the path.

I thought I would share this with you.

Ali had been recommended to me by a friend as my son (9yrs) was struggling with me & his dad separating which was impacting on his behaviour at home and school.  At the first meeting I stayed with Nathan and we must have laughed nearly all the way through it due to Ali’s way of putting us at ease.  I knew straightaway she was perfect for us and so did Nathan, who was really eager to start working 1:1 with her.  She has helped Nathan so much and I have got my happy boy back, although there are the occasional blips when I just need to remind him ‘what did Ali say’.  In a nutshell Ali is a wonderful, amazing professional with an edge of craziness who gave my son unbiased time & tools to understand his feelings & emotions, that they were OK and how to work with them.  I can’t thank her (& Ollie) enough. Caroline

 

   * Disclaimer: results may vary from person to person

Why do we have emotions?

Which emotions would I choose?

If I could choose which emotions I had, I would get rid of sad, scared and anxious! Well who wouldn’t???

Why do we have emotions?

Any of our emotions left to their own devises are not great. They are meant to work as a team, balancing one another out.  Ying and Yang. If you didn’t have grief, you would not really appreciate love.  If you only had brave you would do something daft and hurt yourself!

We need all our emotions to keep us on an even keel. But sometimes one of them hijacks us and takes control.  Like sad or anxious and then you can only hear what sad or anxious want to hear and you can only see what they want to see and you can only feel what they want to feel.  But they don’t hijack us without a reason, they are trying to tell us something and it’s usually about protection.

But we get lost in them when what we should do is pull them out of ourselves and sit them in our hands and ask them what’s wrong. Sound daft? Try it!

We are made up of a team of emotions, each has its job, but you are the captain.  When one of them is getting a little loud there is usually a reason.  Take a breath, accept it’s where you’re at, not who you are and ask your anxious self what’s wrong?

It might surprise you xx

All behaviour serves a purpose – Client Review

All Behaviour Serves a Purpose

It is always so rewarding to hear from a client (parent of a client) on how they have changed their worlds within such a short period of time *.

Often what we do to protect ourselves from one thing doesn’t allow us to be the best version of ourselves.  Therefore we need to get to the root of why we are behaving the way we do so that we can change our behaviour *.

Ali is far and away the best therapist I’ve come across, And The Ollie Model she has created is just fantastic! When my 11 year old son started seeing her his typical school day was a very miserable experience. He felt anxious, lonely, victimised and misunderstood. However in the space of just a few months Ali has managed to rebuild his self-esteem and confidence and improved his social skills so much that he now feels truly happy with his life, his friends and his achievements. I knew that he wasn’t fulfilling his potential before, but since seeing Ali he has blossomed and grown more quickly than I thought possible. This has been a life-changing transformation for my son and our whole family. I couldn’t recommend Ali highly enough – she is one of the most astute and emotionally intelligent people I have ever come across but she wears this gift lightly, using her understanding of human behaviour and her sense of humour to help get children onside with her methods.

Thank you!

Polly

11.07.17

 * Disclaimer: results may vary from person to person