What part of you makes you behave as you do

What Part of you?

People come to the hut with an identity created by their issues – so I get “I’m, depressed, I’m an alcoholic, I’m over weight, I have no motivation, I have low self-worth etc.

URM………. My attitude is you are none of those things.  They are not who you are but they are what you’re doing at the moment. I also believe all behaviour serves a purpose, so there must be a purpose behind the way you are behaving. Most of the time that behaviour although in its self-debilitating in some way, I believe, its actually trying to protect you in some way.

Think about it.  Drinking to make stuff go away, comfort eating, not daring to try or look forward…

I truly believe that our behaviours are actually trying to help but that that help often causes more issues. A bit like taking anti-depressants to keep you on an even kill.  The intent is good but the outcome is rarely a desired solution state.

Behaviours are, in my mind, created by emotion.  Emotions are the things that make us unique individuals. With children, I call these emotions superheroes to give them substance and so I can dissociate the issue from the child. In adults I call them ‘parts of us’.

By very simply asking the part of you called depressed, or the part that thinks it’s got no confidence or the part that want to eat cake “what its problem is?”  The key being what IT’S problem is not what your problem is.  It never seizes to amaze me or my client what jumps into their minds!

I have low self-worth – well how can that be helping you?

I can’t stop eating cakes – how is that helping you?

I am depressed – how is that helping you?

Often the client can’t answer and just says it’s not!

But if I ask the part of them why it’s being so controlling – it’s amazing what comes out

I have no self-worth – well if I keep myself thinking that I won’t try so cant fail like last time when….

I can’t stop eating cakes – well if I keep eating cakes I feel loved close mum used to give me sweets and cakes when I was sad so………..

I am depressed – well if I stay depressed I won’t expect and won’t be disappointed again like last time when….

Generalisations but you get my drift.

All behaviour serves a purpose and that purpose is trying to protect you.

I don’t waste your time trying to make you laugh or stop eating cakes, quick fixes that solve the effect but don’t deal with cause. I work with you to help you with the issue doing what you do is protecting you from. Parts therapy is powerful because it starts straight away by making what you are struggling with part of you not all of you, freeing you from that identity, so you can look at the issue its trying to block out. *

 * disclaimer: results may vary from person to person

Words of another – so simple

Hi Ali,

Just wanted to thank you for giving me that simple ‘anchor’ regarding my anxiety.  I have to say it’s really worked a few times when I’ve started to feel quite anxious.  I remember your words and tell myself ‘I’m not that little girl’… it works really well!  Love when those things come together.  Isn’t it fascinating that just one simple sentence can be such a powerful anchor? 

Avril McDonald

  * Disclaimer:  results may vary from person to person