All Behaviour Serves a Purpose

Behaviour

If we waste time trying to change a behaviour without recognising that the behaviour is as a result of an emotional reaction to something, we will be wasting a lot of time!

Beneath every behaviour is an emotion that created it.  Why? Well the behaviour is trying to voice the emotion or help it in some way.   An example would be:  ‘I feel sad, empty unloved’  The answer ..CAKE!  Okay that is a bit of a sweeping example but its what we do when an emotion is unhappy, not at ease with itself.  That’s why I love the word, DIS-EASE!

Getting to the Root

Traditional therapy spends a lot of time giving you strategies to change a behaviour. Sometimes that works but if you really want to deal with the issue stop pruning branches and go for the root!

Emotions

I can’t change a past event or make your current situation better in any material way.  I can’t find you a nicer husband, better job, well behaved kids, but I can help you deal with all of that by working with you to find the emotion behind all the things that are causing you DIS-EASE.

We create our realities, we choose how to think and feel, we are responsible for how we think and feel, and so if your struggling with something right now, you can spend a lot of time and money trying to change the behaviour the feeling of DIS-EASE has created.  Or you can go to the root, find the underpinning emotion that created the feeling and ask it ‘Why?’  Help it, and if it feels listened too and understood it will quieten down.

Growing Pains in Teenagers – School, Exams and the Stress

Growing Pains

I had a client describe her teenager as a ‘Growing Pain’   Bugger I giggled!

I don’t have kids and although sometimes its a huge regret in my life, sometimes I thank God for sparring me the growing pains or rather having to stand by helplessly why they go through them.

I am getting more and more teenagers in The Hut. Fortunately my normal therapist attire settles them – jeans!

They come because weight issues,self-esteem issues, bullying, but they also come because they get so very strung out over school work and especially exams.

One of the first youngsters I worked with was a lovely lad.  Polite, intelligent, straight A student – or should have been.

But the moment it got near exam time he went into melt down, not eating, not sleeping, becoming withdrawn – becoming a very troubling ‘Growing Pain’.  As we talked he explained that he enjoyed school and found the work easy.  He knew he knew all the answers in most exams, struggled a bit with maths but could not understand why he got in such a state on the day and did not trust the answers he wrote and had panic attacks in the middle of the exam.

I asked how he knew he knew the stuff and he explained that studying in his room, he just knew he knew. If only he could do his exams in his room and not in the exam hall that equated to failure, and panic.

Emotional Anchor

I gave him an Anchor.

No, not a pointy metal thing!! A Thought Anchor.

Before we started I asked him to give his exam fear a score.  Ten out of ten being terrified.  He got 12!!!!!

In a light trance I got him to tell me everything about his room, the decor, the lighting, the sounds and smells, and to notice how relaxed he felt there. When I could see him physically relax and smile at the thought, I lightly touched his wrist, creating a memory Anchor he could use any time.

I asked him to open his eyes and think about the exam room again. On a score of one to ten, ten being terrified, the thought was an down to 2.

Bless him.

I got him to touch his wrist and again the smile and his body relaxed.

He used the Anchor before and during the next exam and was able to place himself in his room rather than the hall.

And guess what??   He sailed through the exam and the next lot, even maths!

If you have a “Growing Pain” going through this, they really don’t have to and although it makes their world better, it will reduce the “pain” level in yours too!

Ali xxx

 

Ripples in the pond ……

How you change affects those around you.

I did networking today with some local therapists. It was really interesting to hear where they trained what techniques they favour and the type of clients that find them.  It was great as we were all very different in our approach.  One size does not fit all. The most important thing is that we help you achieve change.

There was a younger lad in the group just starting his training and so full of questions for us “veterans” ha!!  He asked each of us for the most important lesson we had learnt so that he might learn it now and not cock up. Bless him.  Felt like saying “buckle up mate”. My peers came out with sensible stuff.  In fact, they pinched all my words of wisdom reference doing no harm, roots not branches etc.  I had a sneaky feeling they had been reading my posts.  How rude!!!.

So when it got to my turn my material had been used up. All the advice so far had been about clients so I thought let’s give him something that none of us discuss but he will face, but a thing he won’t notice until it’s too late unless like me he is surrounded by people not afraid to give me a virtual slap every now again. I said “beware the ripples in the pond”.   You see, as therapist we help YOU change. It’s like throwing a pebble in a lake – a big splash and things change for you.

My example was me. My pebble in my boring, calm, going nowhere lake was passing my exams and making the decision to be a full time therapist. Well those ripples started changing my world and I have to say for me in a fantastic and awesome way. I love what I do and have never been happier. But here’s the thing about ripples.  They spread across the lake and hit the shore line and can erode it away over time.  Uncovering good stuff, widening your lake but also changing the landscape for those who share your world.  I was lucky.  I had life guards and wise friends who made sure I was aware of the ripples.

 

My advice to this young chap was ‘go for it, you will love it but your ripples change the landscape for everyone in your world’. Imagine the fisherman on the bank of your lake.  Happy to sit and fish the calm waters.  Fishing is his dream just as you are following yours. All that splashing from your ripples make sitting quietly by a calm lake very hard.  I told him to make sure to consider the fisherman on his lake.

  * Disclaimer:  results may vary from person to person