If we waste time trying to change a behaviour without recognising that the behaviour is as a result of an emotional reaction to something, we will be wasting a lot of time!
Beneath every behaviour is an emotion that created it. Why? Well the behaviour is trying to voice the emotion or help it in some way. An example would be: ‘I feel sad, empty unloved’ The answer ..CAKE! Okay that is a bit of a sweeping example but its what we do when an emotion is unhappy, not at ease with itself. That’s why I love the word, DIS-EASE!
Getting to the Root
Traditional therapy spends a lot of time giving you strategies to change a behaviour. Sometimes that works but if you really want to deal with the issue stop pruning branches and go for the root!
I can’t change a past event or make your current situation better in any material way. I can’t find you a nicer husband, better job, well behaved kids, but I can help you deal with all of that by working with you to find the emotion behind all the things that are causing you DIS-EASE.
We create our realities, we choose how to think and feel, we are responsible for how we think and feel, and so if your struggling with something right now, you can spend a lot of time and money trying to change the behaviour the feeling of DIS-EASE has created. Or you can go to the root, find the underpinning emotion that created the feeling and ask it ‘Why?’ Help it, and if it feels listened too and understood it will quieten down.
In a School this week introducing how we can manage our emotions rather than be controlled by them to children from the age of 6 to 11, I came across a quote that really sums it all up.
“There is a soul bird who lives inside us all.
This special bird has the keys to our innermost emotions and feelings. It knows the secret places where we hide away our happiness, anger, joy, jealousy and sorrows.
Are you ready to listen to your soul bird?”
Then today I received a beautiful letter from a client:
I don’t know if you realise just how much you help people like me.
You asked me for a hug and we then went on a journey that for me has given me back the freedom to do the things other people take in their stride – going up and down stairs, using escalators, crossing bridges, getting on and off trains. Those and more were my phobias.
I honestly don’t know what you did that day, but you told me I would feel different for the next few days. I left you and as I drove home I felt a weight lifted from me – I felt lighter and nothing ‘got to me’.
I did things my ‘problem’ had instilled in me without thinking. I walked over bridges and calmly walked up and down unknown stairs to see the penguins with my precious granddaughter aged 3.
I know I can tell xxxx “I’ve got this, I’m ok” and I will be ok.
Thank you just doesn’t seem enough for what you have given back to me. SMH
This lady found her inner soul bird, her emotions, her Super Power that helped her overcome her phobias and allowed her to spend time with her granddaughter doing those special things, experiencing that special time. All I did was show her a path to that soul bird, her Super Power, her emotions. She did the rest.
We are warned when we are training about the ‘BURN OUT’ but I don’t think it matters what you do for a living or who you are as it can happen to all of us.
Its all too easy to swallow the stress of getting the job down, the ferrying of your kids about, paying the mortgage and you just keep going – pushing through because if you don’t who will and every other story you tell yourself.
Take it from me, it is so important to find a way to say NO, (if this offends I would suggest you question the relationship!). Take time away. An hour in the bath with a non work related book, sit in Hyde Park the listening to music, go fishing, play tennis, whatever is your thing – the world won’t end.
DON’T ignore your bodies warning signals, telling yourself ‘it will be alright’ your just tired…. Down time from whatever you do is so very important and not taking it will result in you not be able to do the things that you want or need to do.
Remember, when on a plane you are told to put your oxygen mask on first so you are strong enough to help others. Nothing you think you have to do is more important than YOU. If you don’t listen to what your body is telling you, then you wont be able to do the things that are in front of you.
No, I’m not burnt out, but I do have lots on and it’s a timely reminder to ask you all to remember: TAKE TIME FOR YOU xxx
Wow what an accolade! Ali has been nominated for an international award for NLP training in Education.
She has been been selected, from those nominated, by an independent panel. The finalists have been chosen on the how they have demonstrated the use of NLP in making a marked difference in the specified area.
The review below explains why Ali has been nominated.
“I met Ali a year ago and she has done so much to transform my family’s lives for the better since then. I couldn’t think of anyone better placed to be nominated for (and maybe to win!) an All in the Mind award.
I was recommended Ali for my son who was dealing with anxiety about 11+ exams. Ali dispensed with those problems in our first free Skype session and went on to help my son with the social problems he was having at school. In a few months he went from dreading school to actively looking forward to going in, and ended the school year winning the school talent contest and with a headmistress’s award for a great attitude towards school.
Amazed by my son’s transformation I apprehensively introduced Ali to my 8 year old daughter, who has been struggling with trichotillomania for around 3 years. She had had a string of therapists – all of whom had been ineffectual – but I was beginning to feel that if anyone could help, Ali could. My daughter was a difficult proposition, she is smart and manipulative and wised up to all the tricks in every therapists’ book. Ali recognised this immediately and also saw that my daughter’s biggest problem was that she was addicted to the attention she got from therapists and therefore had no motivation to stop pulling her hair out. Fast forward 6 months and Edie has gone nearly 40 days without pulling – a personal record.
Ali has a gift – she is not only incredibly astute about the root cause of different children’s problems but she uses her knowledge to reach different personalities in different ways, uniquely mixing her personal blend of “Ollie and his Superpowers”, hypnotherapy and NLP. Her methods seem so simple but the best ideas – the ones that can actually revolutionise the way we do things – almost always are.
Ali has helped me so much personally as well – not only through helping my children to become so much happier and fulfil their potential – but also by recognising that I needed help myself with the anxiety, negativity and perfectionism that was clouding my judgement about my children and myself. I really can speak from first hand experience about the way Ali appears to ‘see through’ a person and unlock the root cause of their ‘baggage’ – the kind so many of us have and that stops us from getting the most out of our lives.
I don’t know where myself or my family would be today without Ali. She has helped us immeasurably and I truly think she’s some sort of therapist genius (between my children and I we have seen at least 7 other therapists and one time or another so I have points of comparison!)
I hope Ali/Ollie and his Superpowers wins this award because I know that her dream is to help as many children as possible at as little cost as possible, and this award would bring that dream a step closer to becoming a reality.” Polly
To find out more about training with Alison please go to https://www.ollieandhissuperpowers.com/pages/become-an-ollie-coach
If I could choose which emotions I had, I would get rid of sad, scared and anxious! Well who wouldn’t???
Why do we have emotions?
Any of our emotions left to their own devises are not great. They are meant to work as a team, balancing one another out. Ying and Yang. If you didn’t have grief, you would not really appreciate love. If you only had brave you would do something daft and hurt yourself!
We need all our emotions to keep us on an even keel. But sometimes one of them hijacks us and takes control. Like sad or anxious and then you can only hear what sad or anxious want to hear and you can only see what they want to see and you can only feel what they want to feel. But they don’t hijack us without a reason, they are trying to tell us something and it’s usually about protection.
But we get lost in them when what we should do is pull them out of ourselves and sit them in our hands and ask them what’s wrong. Sound daft? Try it!
We are made up of a team of emotions, each has its job, but you are the captain. When one of them is getting a little loud there is usually a reason. Take a breath, accept it’s where you’re at, not who you are and ask your anxious self what’s wrong?
It is always so rewarding to hear from a client (parent of a client) on how they have changed their worlds within such a short period of time *.
Often what we do to protect ourselves from one thing doesn’t allow us to be the best version of ourselves. Therefore we need to get to the root of why we are behaving the way we do so that we can change our behaviour *.
Ali is far and away the best therapist I’ve come across, And The Ollie Model she has created is just fantastic! When my 11 year old son started seeing her his typical school day was a very miserable experience. He felt anxious, lonely, victimised and misunderstood. However in the space of just a few months Ali has managed to rebuild his self-esteem and confidence and improved his social skills so much that he now feels truly happy with his life, his friends and his achievements. I knew that he wasn’t fulfilling his potential before, but since seeing Ali he has blossomed and grown more quickly than I thought possible. This has been a life-changing transformation for my son and our whole family. I couldn’t recommend Ali highly enough – she is one of the most astute and emotionally intelligent people I have ever come across but she wears this gift lightly, using her understanding of human behaviour and her sense of humour to help get children onside with her methods.
* Disclaimer: results may vary from person to person
Anxiety and Stress are increasing in our every day lives whether it be at work or at home. But there are ways to put what ever is causing the anxiety or stress back into perspective so that you can be more effective at work and be happier at home *.
Ali runs study days that gives you techniques that will help you manage your stress and anxiety. You will learn how to spot a potential situation that may lead to stress and anxiety and you will learn how to adapt your language to help manage a situation either at work or at home.
Ali recently worked with a group of midwives.
The East and North Hertfordshire RCM Branch organised a study day mid February as part of the Caring for you Campaign. It was a very successful day and commenced with Katie Chilton (our Head of Midwifery) talking about the Campaign; what she had already put in place and her future plans. The main aim of the study day was to positively support our RCM member’s wellbeing at work. The day was presented by Ali Knowles who is a Cognitive Hypnotherapist and NLP Practitioner. The day included an introduction to NLP stress and anxiety relief techniques and strategies to deal with bullying in the workplace.
Working as a midwife can at times be difficult, making us feel vulnerable and inducing a sense of disillusion when our emotional wellbeing is not being addressed. Ali taught us some great tools to deal with these unacceptable situations. It was both a thought provoking and empowering day and has given all the attendees some skills and techniques to put in place. The day ended with some deep relaxation and hypnotherapy to engender feelings of empowerment. Ali and her team had amazing energy and overall it was a positive day.
We would like to thank all the midwives who attended in their own time and supported the day and Gloucester ward for providing the funds for sandwiches; everyone who baked cakes which were a great hit and all that gave up their time in organising the event to make this day possible.
Feedback of the study day included “it was one of the best study days I’ve attended” “it was such a great day” “I have gained some really good skills which I hope to put in place”.
If you would like more information on how to arrange a study day please contact Ali on
Ali@thehypnohut.com or give her a call 07546068881
* Disclaimer: results may vary from person to person
Anyone else watching the re runs of the classic “Birds of a Feather”?
Tonight’s episode is about Sharon and Tracy getting an invite to a school reunion. The invite comes from a lady that used to bully Sharon at school. This bully put Sharon in a dust bin and sat on the lid for hours. Classic comedy but very good. Sharon declares that she eats so much due to that trauma, her subconscious is protecting her by making sure she can’t fit in a dust bin again!. Class!
But the thing is, she could be a client that has come to me for help with comfort eating and weight loss. Only by working with a client and getting to the initial emotional event that caused the issue can we deal with it. This is just comedy but the truth is, just by uncovering an event from your past, that you may not connect to, allows you to look at the event and subsequent behaviour as an adult and realize in Sharon’s case that its highly unlikely anyone is going to try and put her in a bin today.So she really does not need to eat so match to make sure it does not happen again.
Comedy moment!Comedy explanation of comfort eating but a very good example of how your subconscious joins the dots and creates behaviours that made sense to you as a child but are completely inappropriate and unnecessary today. And often the memory is blurred if the event was a negative one.
This sounds very, very simplistic but a client comes to me with a phobia or a habit that is holding them back in some way. Working together to get to the memory of the event that created the presenting issue is amazing to watch.It’s a real light bulb moment for a client and often just understanding why they do what they do is enough to stop the behaviour permanently *.
All behaviour serves a purpose
Obviously some early year traumas cannot be dealt with so lightly.But even in those cases, once a client understands why they react or behave in a certain manner it’s like watching a huge cloud lift off them. *
Birds of a Feather – one of my better memories.
* Disclaimer: results may vary from person to person
“It was one of the best study days I’ve ever been on”
Ali was lucky enough to be asked by the midwives of North and East Hertfordshire RCM to run a Turn it off Turn it on workshop which is designed to help you learn how to manage stress and anxiety.
During the day the attendees learn a number of techniques and communications skills that allow them be better able to handle the pressure of every day work life and giving them the ability to leave work at work. Its a very emotional day as people put the things in place that have been holding them back or giving them concern. The day is ended with a 30 minute relaxation roundup session where everything the attendees have been taught is refocused and given balance.*
From one of the attendees:
I’ve been at work this morning and I bumped into a couple of my colleagues who attended yesterday,one of the participants stated, ” it was one of the best study days I’ve ever been on”.
Working as a midwife can at times, be a difficult and heart wrenching job that can make us feel vulnerable and at times we getdisillusioned by a system that doesn’t always support our emotional wellbeing.It was both a thought provoking and empowering day and it has certainly made me think about changing my own attitude and put in place some skills and techniques that we learnt .Ali and her team have amazing energy and it was lovely they sat and chatted to us during the lunch break. I really enjoyed how the day ended, with some deep relaxation whilepowerful affirmations were delivered, POWER…
* Disclaimer: results may vary from person to person