All Behaviour Serves a Purpose

Behaviour

If we waste time trying to change a behaviour without recognising that the behaviour is as a result of an emotional reaction to something, we will be wasting a lot of time!

Beneath every behaviour is an emotion that created it.  Why? Well the behaviour is trying to voice the emotion or help it in some way.   An example would be:  ‘I feel sad, empty unloved’  The answer ..CAKE!  Okay that is a bit of a sweeping example but its what we do when an emotion is unhappy, not at ease with itself.  That’s why I love the word, DIS-EASE!

Getting to the Root

Traditional therapy spends a lot of time giving you strategies to change a behaviour. Sometimes that works but if you really want to deal with the issue stop pruning branches and go for the root!

Emotions

I can’t change a past event or make your current situation better in any material way.  I can’t find you a nicer husband, better job, well behaved kids, but I can help you deal with all of that by working with you to find the emotion behind all the things that are causing you DIS-EASE.

We create our realities, we choose how to think and feel, we are responsible for how we think and feel, and so if your struggling with something right now, you can spend a lot of time and money trying to change the behaviour the feeling of DIS-EASE has created.  Or you can go to the root, find the underpinning emotion that created the feeling and ask it ‘Why?’  Help it, and if it feels listened too and understood it will quieten down.

Its all about you!

You have have the answers inside you

In a School this week introducing how we can manage our emotions rather than be controlled by them to children from the age of 6 to 11, I came across a quote that really sums it all up.

“There is a soul bird who lives inside us all.
This special bird has the keys to our innermost emotions and feelings. It knows the secret places where we hide away our happiness, anger, joy, jealousy and sorrows.
Are you ready to listen to your soul bird?”
Michal Snunit.

Then today I received a beautiful letter from a client:

I don’t know if you realise just how much you help people like me.

You asked me for a hug and we then went on a journey that for me has given me back the freedom to do the things other people take in their stride – going up and down stairs, using escalators, crossing bridges, getting on and off trains.  Those and more were my phobias.

I honestly don’t know what you did that day, but you told me I would feel different for the next few days.  I left you and as I drove home I felt a weight lifted from me – I felt lighter and nothing ‘got to me’.

I did things my ‘problem’ had instilled in me without thinking.    I walked over bridges and calmly walked up and down unknown stairs to see the penguins with my precious granddaughter aged 3.

I know I can tell xxxx “I’ve got this, I’m ok” and I will be ok.

Thank you just doesn’t seem enough for what you have given back to me.  SMH

This lady found her inner soul bird, her emotions, her Super Power that helped her overcome her phobias and allowed her to spend time with her granddaughter doing those special things, experiencing that special time.  All I did was show her a path to that soul bird, her Super Power, her emotions.  She did the rest.

NLP Award Finalist – Alison Knowles

NLP Award Finalist

Wow what an accolade! Ali has been nominated for an international award for NLP training in Education.

She has been been selected, from those nominated, by an independent panel.  The finalists have been chosen on the how they have demonstrated the use of NLP in making a marked difference in the specified area.

The review below explains why Ali has been nominated.

“I met Ali a year ago and she has done so much to transform my family’s lives for the better since then. I couldn’t think of anyone better placed to be nominated for (and maybe to win!) an All in the Mind award.

I was recommended Ali for my son who was dealing with anxiety about 11+ exams. Ali dispensed with those problems in our first free Skype session and went on to help my son with the social problems he was having at school. In a few months he went from dreading school to actively looking forward to going in, and ended the school year winning the school talent contest and with a headmistress’s award for a great attitude towards school.

Amazed by my son’s transformation I apprehensively introduced Ali to my 8 year old daughter, who has been struggling with trichotillomania for around 3 years. She had had a string of therapists – all of whom had been ineffectual – but I was beginning to feel that if anyone could help, Ali could. My daughter was a difficult proposition, she is smart and manipulative and wised up to all the tricks in every therapists’ book. Ali recognised this immediately and also saw that my daughter’s biggest problem was that she was addicted to the attention she got from therapists and therefore had no motivation to stop pulling her hair out. Fast forward 6 months and Edie has gone nearly 40 days without pulling – a personal record.

Ali has a gift – she is not only incredibly astute about the root cause of different children’s problems but she uses her knowledge to reach different personalities in different ways, uniquely mixing her personal blend of “Ollie and his Superpowers”, hypnotherapy and NLP. Her methods seem so simple but the best ideas – the ones that can actually revolutionise the way we do things – almost always are.

Ali has helped me so much personally as well – not only through helping my children to become so much happier and fulfil their potential – but also by recognising that I needed help myself with the anxiety, negativity and perfectionism that was clouding my judgement about my children and myself. I really can speak from first hand experience about the way Ali appears to ‘see through’ a person and unlock the root cause of their ‘baggage’ – the kind so many of us have and that stops us from getting the most out of our lives.

I don’t know where myself or my family would be today without Ali. She has helped us immeasurably and I truly think she’s some sort of therapist genius (between my children and I we have seen at least 7 other therapists and one time or another so I have points of comparison!)

I hope Ali/Ollie and his Superpowers wins this award because I know that her dream is to help as many children as possible at as little cost as possible, and this award would bring that dream a step closer to becoming a reality.”  Polly

To find out more about training with Alison please go to https://www.ollieandhissuperpowers.com/pages/become-an-ollie-coach

Why do we have emotions?

Which emotions would I choose?

If I could choose which emotions I had, I would get rid of sad, scared and anxious! Well who wouldn’t???

Why do we have emotions?

Any of our emotions left to their own devises are not great. They are meant to work as a team, balancing one another out.  Ying and Yang. If you didn’t have grief, you would not really appreciate love.  If you only had brave you would do something daft and hurt yourself!

We need all our emotions to keep us on an even keel. But sometimes one of them hijacks us and takes control.  Like sad or anxious and then you can only hear what sad or anxious want to hear and you can only see what they want to see and you can only feel what they want to feel.  But they don’t hijack us without a reason, they are trying to tell us something and it’s usually about protection.

But we get lost in them when what we should do is pull them out of ourselves and sit them in our hands and ask them what’s wrong. Sound daft? Try it!

We are made up of a team of emotions, each has its job, but you are the captain.  When one of them is getting a little loud there is usually a reason.  Take a breath, accept it’s where you’re at, not who you are and ask your anxious self what’s wrong?

It might surprise you xx

All behaviour serves a purpose – Client Review

All Behaviour Serves a Purpose

It is always so rewarding to hear from a client (parent of a client) on how they have changed their worlds within such a short period of time *.

Often what we do to protect ourselves from one thing doesn’t allow us to be the best version of ourselves.  Therefore we need to get to the root of why we are behaving the way we do so that we can change our behaviour *.

Ali is far and away the best therapist I’ve come across, And The Ollie Model she has created is just fantastic! When my 11 year old son started seeing her his typical school day was a very miserable experience. He felt anxious, lonely, victimised and misunderstood. However in the space of just a few months Ali has managed to rebuild his self-esteem and confidence and improved his social skills so much that he now feels truly happy with his life, his friends and his achievements. I knew that he wasn’t fulfilling his potential before, but since seeing Ali he has blossomed and grown more quickly than I thought possible. This has been a life-changing transformation for my son and our whole family. I couldn’t recommend Ali highly enough – she is one of the most astute and emotionally intelligent people I have ever come across but she wears this gift lightly, using her understanding of human behaviour and her sense of humour to help get children onside with her methods.

Thank you!

Polly

11.07.17

 * Disclaimer: results may vary from person to person

Amazing results from the Hypno Hut – customer reviews

Customer Reviews

My job is about helping you be the best you can be.  So when I get feedback of how people have been able to change * their lives it makes me smile, getting that warm feeling inside.

I just wanted to share with you two very different clients feedback.

Just wanted to drop you a line to thank you for all your help. 

 The results I’ve achieved have surpassed my expectations and I’ve really enjoyed our sessions. 

 Each time I’ve come away relaxed and almost elated. The mind, when lead by an expert like yourself, is complex and powerful and I’ve enjoyed experimenting with mine. 

 I’m not quite ready to levitate, but I now know that if I want to I can, because I can achieve anything. 

 Thanks again. I will see you again before my op. And I really look forward to that visit. 

 

Just letting you know I haven’t smoked since our meeting last Tuesday and have no intention of ever smoking again. Can’t put into words how greatful I am.

 

Remember – All behaviour serves a purpose

 

  * Disclamer:  results may vary from person to person

Childhood shapes us – all behaviour serves a purpose!

All Behaviour serves a purpose

Anyone else watching the re runs of the classic “Birds of a Feather”?

Tonight’s episode is about Sharon and Tracy getting an invite to a school reunion. The invite comes from a lady that used to bully Sharon at school. This bully put Sharon in a dust bin and sat on the lid for hours. Classic comedy but very good.  Sharon declares that she eats so much due to that trauma, her subconscious is protecting her by making sure she can’t fit in a dust bin again!.  Class!

But the thing is, she could be a client that has come to me for help with comfort eating and weight loss. Only by working with a client and getting to the initial emotional event that caused the issue can we deal with it. This is just comedy but the truth is, just by uncovering an event from your past, that you may not connect to, allows you to look at the event and subsequent behaviour as an adult and realize in Sharon’s case that its highly unlikely anyone is going to try and put her in a bin today.  So she really does not need to eat so match to make sure it does not happen again.

Comedy moment!  Comedy explanation of comfort eating but a very good example of how your subconscious joins the dots and creates behaviours that made sense to you as a child but are completely inappropriate and unnecessary today.  And often the memory is blurred if the event was a negative one.

This sounds very, very simplistic but a client comes to me with a phobia or a habit that is holding them back in some way. Working together to get to the memory of the event that created the presenting issue is amazing to watch.  It’s a real light bulb moment for a client and often just understanding why they do what they do is enough to stop the behaviour permanently *.

All behaviour serves a purpose

Obviously some early year traumas cannot be dealt with so lightly.  But even in those cases, once a client understands why they react or behave in a certain manner it’s like watching a huge cloud lift off them. *

Birds of a Feather – one of my better memories.

 

  * Disclaimer:  results may vary from person to person

Ali nominated for a Best You Award

Nominee-BadgeThe Best Personal Development Author

Ali has been nominated for The Best Personal Development Author Award with the winner to be announced at the The Best You Gala ceremony on the 4th March 2017.

The award is in recognition of the most talented author that demonstrates an outstanding degree of groundbreaking achievement in Personal Development.  Ali was nominated for Ollie and his Super Powers. Knowles-Wiltshi_Ollie-and-His-S_978-1-78592-049-3_colourjpg-webhttps://www.ollieandhissuperpowers.com/

For more information about the 2017 awards, the expo or to book  tickets to the Gala event please go to  https://thebestyouexpo.com/awards/

Ali would like to thank everyone who nominated her.

What part of you makes you behave as you do

What Part of you?

People come to the hut with an identity created by their issues – so I get “I’m, depressed, I’m an alcoholic, I’m over weight, I have no motivation, I have low self-worth etc.

URM………. My attitude is you are none of those things.  They are not who you are but they are what you’re doing at the moment. I also believe all behaviour serves a purpose, so there must be a purpose behind the way you are behaving. Most of the time that behaviour although in its self-debilitating in some way, I believe, its actually trying to protect you in some way.

Think about it.  Drinking to make stuff go away, comfort eating, not daring to try or look forward…

I truly believe that our behaviours are actually trying to help but that that help often causes more issues. A bit like taking anti-depressants to keep you on an even kill.  The intent is good but the outcome is rarely a desired solution state.

Behaviours are, in my mind, created by emotion.  Emotions are the things that make us unique individuals. With children, I call these emotions superheroes to give them substance and so I can dissociate the issue from the child. In adults I call them ‘parts of us’.

By very simply asking the part of you called depressed, or the part that thinks it’s got no confidence or the part that want to eat cake “what its problem is?”  The key being what IT’S problem is not what your problem is.  It never seizes to amaze me or my client what jumps into their minds!

I have low self-worth – well how can that be helping you?

I can’t stop eating cakes – how is that helping you?

I am depressed – how is that helping you?

Often the client can’t answer and just says it’s not!

But if I ask the part of them why it’s being so controlling – it’s amazing what comes out

I have no self-worth – well if I keep myself thinking that I won’t try so cant fail like last time when….

I can’t stop eating cakes – well if I keep eating cakes I feel loved close mum used to give me sweets and cakes when I was sad so………..

I am depressed – well if I stay depressed I won’t expect and won’t be disappointed again like last time when….

Generalisations but you get my drift.

All behaviour serves a purpose and that purpose is trying to protect you.

I don’t waste your time trying to make you laugh or stop eating cakes, quick fixes that solve the effect but don’t deal with cause. I work with you to help you with the issue doing what you do is protecting you from. Parts therapy is powerful because it starts straight away by making what you are struggling with part of you not all of you, freeing you from that identity, so you can look at the issue its trying to block out. *

 * disclaimer: results may vary from person to person

Making the difference – testimonial from a mum

Testimonial from a mum that really makes me want to do what I do.

When you get feedback that you have helped someone to be the best version of themselves it really brings it home that what you are doing is making a difference.  It might only be little steps initially but the journey has began  Or it might be big leaps and bounds with it being a ride on a jet plane.  It doesn’t matter which journey it is and it doesn’t matter how much time it takes, all that matters is that we have started that engine and we are off…..

Please read on as below as a mum describes her sons journey

Testimonial

I looked for and found Ali because the medical and school system were letting my 8 year old child down.

The Child Mental Health Service wouldn’t see him because he didn’t have specific behavioural problems and the schools inclusion worker was very nice but under the pump and 20mins a week wasn’t really effective.

As parents we had tried everything we could think of. He was being bullied, he struggled with playground politics, he wasn’t coping with the mean words being thrown at him, he spent a lot of the school day crying and/or getting frustrated, which made the bullying worse, he was getting socially isolated, he was starting to refuse to go to school, his teacher was starting to lose patience and I was feeling like it was all spiralling. I felt like this needed to be resolved now and not wait “until he matures” or “until the bullies get bored”.

From the first day we met Ali my son took to her and the way she spoke and communicated with him. She was open with him and he understood what she did and engaged with her. After one session he was on a high. So happy! Like something had been released. Someone had finally told him HOW to cope with all these feelings he was having.

He took his Ollie figure in his pocket to school so when the bad words came he could squeeze the figure and the armour would come up and protect his “heart” and over the next few days he started to work it out. One day saying “there were a few holes in my armour today mum cos some bad words got through but I will make it stronger tomorrow”.

And he has built and built up his resilience. He said to me yesterday that a child had been saying mean things and that he had only needed to squeeze Ollie for 5 seconds and he felt ok and didn’t cry and the boy left him alone. He was elated. He hasn’t said he doesn’t want to go to school for ages and seems more confident and happier and the school have noticed a change too. He said he doesn’t want/need to be in social inclusion anymore cos he has Ali now. He doesn’t come out of school in tears looking like the weight of the world is on his shoulders.

I am relieved we have found a person and a technique that is so simple but actually genius and it works. It just works!

I would recommend anyone spend an hour with Ali and Ollie’s superpowers and guarantee they will come out feeling more resilient, supported and special because they now have superpowers too!

Signed :  Nicky

Learn More

If you want to learn more about Ollie and his Super Powers and the work I do specifically with children please go to https://www.ollieandhissuperpowers.com/ .  Alternatively give me a call.

 

  * Disclaimer:  results may vary from person to person