Author Archives: thehypnohut

Making the difference – testimonial from a mum

Posted on by
Reply

Testimonial from a mum that really makes me want to do what I do.

When you get feedback that you have helped someone to be the best version of themselves it really brings it home that what you are doing is making a difference.  It might only be little steps initially but the journey has began  Or it might be big leaps and bounds with it being a ride on a jet plane.  It doesn’t matter which journey it is and it doesn’t matter how much time it takes, all that matters is that we have started that engine and we are off…..

Please read on as below as a mum describes her sons journey

Testimonial

I looked for and found Ali because the medical and school system were letting my 8 year old child down.

The Child Mental Health Service wouldn’t see him because he didn’t have specific behavioural problems and the schools inclusion worker was very nice but under the pump and 20mins a week wasn’t really effective.

As parents we had tried everything we could think of. He was being bullied, he struggled with playground politics, he wasn’t coping with the mean words being thrown at him, he spent a lot of the school day crying and/or getting frustrated, which made the bullying worse, he was getting socially isolated, he was starting to refuse to go to school, his teacher was starting to lose patience and I was feeling like it was all spiralling. I felt like this needed to be resolved now and not wait “until he matures” or “until the bullies get bored”.

From the first day we met Ali my son took to her and the way she spoke and communicated with him. She was open with him and he understood what she did and engaged with her. After one session he was on a high. So happy! Like something had been released. Someone had finally told him HOW to cope with all these feelings he was having.

He took his Ollie figure in his pocket to school so when the bad words came he could squeeze the figure and the armour would come up and protect his “heart” and over the next few days he started to work it out. One day saying “there were a few holes in my armour today mum cos some bad words got through but I will make it stronger tomorrow”.

And he has built and built up his resilience. He said to me yesterday that a child had been saying mean things and that he had only needed to squeeze Ollie for 5 seconds and he felt ok and didn’t cry and the boy left him alone. He was elated. He hasn’t said he doesn’t want to go to school for ages and seems more confident and happier and the school have noticed a change too. He said he doesn’t want/need to be in social inclusion anymore cos he has Ali now. He doesn’t come out of school in tears looking like the weight of the world is on his shoulders.

I am relieved we have found a person and a technique that is so simple but actually genius and it works. It just works!

I would recommend anyone spend an hour with Ali and Ollie’s superpowers and guarantee they will come out feeling more resilient, supported and special because they now have superpowers too!

Signed :  Nicky

Learn More

If you want to learn more about Ollie and his Super Powers and the work I do specifically with children please go to https://www.ollieandhissuperpowers.com/ .  Alternatively give me a call.

 

  * Disclaimer:  results may vary from person to person

We create our own emotion realities

Posted on by
Reply

Our memory is like a picture creating our own emotional realities

If you take a picture of a sunny day and happy people doing relaxing stuff and with the aid of a computer you change the cloud formation from blue to grey, you remove the sun,  add in a few thunder clouds and torrential rain you will completely change your emotional response to that picture.

If you take a favourite film and a scene of someone happily carefree skipping through the woods and change the uplifting music to the theme from Jaws, you will completely change your emotional response to that film.

Just by changing a colour or a sound we can change how you emotionally react to something. And believe me if you watch Snow White with all the happy animals to the Jaws theme music you will really struggle to not have an anxious feeling everytime you watch that movie even if you’ve given it back its original sound track.

Why is this useful to know? Well as a therapist I can’t change a past event but can change how your mind perceives that event by adjusting the memory slightly. I would be changing the grey to brighter colours and the Jaws theme to something energising, up lifting, and fun.

By doing that I can help you change for ever your emotional memory of something.  Making the memory much easier to live with or with a little more of a make-over, change it to memory that does not make you feel the need to push your anxious button.

The only thing that makes what I remember and what you remember is the emotion we attach to it that colours it.

What colour would make your emotional realities more comfortable?

 

  * Disclaimer:  results may vary from person to person

Once upon a time there was a man with a ruck sack.

Posted on by
Reply

Learning life’s lessons

He spent his time wondering round the world cleaning up after his friends and family – picking up all their problems and worries and putting them in his ruck sack so that people around him did not trip over them of get contaminated by them. It was hard work but he loved the adoration he got for doing it. Everyone saying what a lovely guy he was – how caring – how selfless….

The man felt good because he was carry the baggage so those he loved did not have too, and they liked him for it.   He did this all his life – his short life because carrying all that weight and contamination was hard work and put extra strain on his body.  Physically from the weight and emotionally from the contamination seeping out of his ruck sack.   It was too much and one day his body gave up.

God said to him “why have you been carrying everyone else’s baggage all your life?”

“Well,” said the man, “so those I love are free to be all they can be and get all they can from life.”

“Ah,” said God, “yes life is about living and learning and if you get it right you get to stay here for eternity and rest.  But all those you have carried baggage for will not be able to stay here.  They will have to go back without you because all that baggage your carrying is life lessons and when you hid those lessons in your ruck sack no one learned anything.  So they must go back and go through those lessons again.  So you have not really helped them”.

“Ah,” said the man, “but as I did this thing with a good heart, I take it I can stay here now and rest?”

“No,” said God, “you were so busy and so consumed trying to carry others baggage,you forgot to deal with your own, or rather so you could avoid dealing with your own.”

“But I am happy.  I don’t have any baggage. I have had a happy life,” Said the man.

“Really,” said God, “put that ruck sack down.  How happy are you without the sack of other people’s problems to hide behind?”

The man suddenly felt very naked, very vulnerable, and a little lost.

“Back you go,” said God.

 

  * Disclaimer:  results may vary from person to person

How to teach children empathy

Posted on by
Reply

Can you imagine a world where kids understand the words and meaning of self-worth, resilience, empathy…

I think that would heal our world, but to start to teach kids a word they maybe have to be able to pronounce it and you kind of need them to have an understanding of its true meaning. I am 50 years old and I had to look up the meaning of emotional resilience!

I write children’s books about a lad called Ollie.  Ollie has super powers.  These super powers are his emotions.  Through my training as a therapist I teach kids that they do have control of their superpowers and that only they can control them and choose what super power they want to utilise to get them through stuff. Through the Ollie stories we playfully and very simplistically introduce the concepts of resilience and empathy.  Only then do we use the big words.

I believe there are no bad kids.  I believe all behaviour serves a purpose, usually a positive or protective purpose.  And that our youngsters don’t always have the emotional understanding or language to explain where they are at sometimes and that all they can do is use the emotions we resort to in heightened emotional states, happy, angry sad etc.

Imagine a world where kids get empathy…. What would that world look like? Through the Ollie books I am doing all I can to try and ensure future generations will get to live in that world.

www.ollieandhissuperpowers.com

 

  *  Disclaimer : results may vary from person to person

Ripples in the pond ……

Posted on by
Reply

How you change affects those around you.

I did networking today with some local therapists. It was really interesting to hear where they trained what techniques they favour and the type of clients that find them.  It was great as we were all very different in our approach.  One size does not fit all. The most important thing is that we help you achieve change.

There was a younger lad in the group just starting his training and so full of questions for us “veterans” ha!!  He asked each of us for the most important lesson we had learnt so that he might learn it now and not cock up. Bless him.  Felt like saying “buckle up mate”. My peers came out with sensible stuff.  In fact, they pinched all my words of wisdom reference doing no harm, roots not branches etc.  I had a sneaky feeling they had been reading my posts.  How rude!!!.

So when it got to my turn my material had been used up. All the advice so far had been about clients so I thought let’s give him something that none of us discuss but he will face, but a thing he won’t notice until it’s too late unless like me he is surrounded by people not afraid to give me a virtual slap every now again. I said “beware the ripples in the pond”.   You see, as therapist we help YOU change. It’s like throwing a pebble in a lake – a big splash and things change for you.

My example was me. My pebble in my boring, calm, going nowhere lake was passing my exams and making the decision to be a full time therapist. Well those ripples started changing my world and I have to say for me in a fantastic and awesome way. I love what I do and have never been happier. But here’s the thing about ripples.  They spread across the lake and hit the shore line and can erode it away over time.  Uncovering good stuff, widening your lake but also changing the landscape for those who share your world.  I was lucky.  I had life guards and wise friends who made sure I was aware of the ripples.

 

My advice to this young chap was ‘go for it, you will love it but your ripples change the landscape for everyone in your world’. Imagine the fisherman on the bank of your lake.  Happy to sit and fish the calm waters.  Fishing is his dream just as you are following yours. All that splashing from your ripples make sitting quietly by a calm lake very hard.  I told him to make sure to consider the fisherman on his lake.

  * Disclaimer:  results may vary from person to person

We create our own realities!

Posted on by
Reply

Ever noticed when you’re feeling a bit low, maybe at the onset of a cold and someone says, “you look rough.” You suddenly think, “do I”?  “It must be man flu.” And you create that reality and it probably progresses to man flu (not to be taken as lightly man flu is real).

Or, how when you’re out with friends, having a great time and someone gets a phone call with bad news.  All of you suddenly feel instantly sad, the room seems less bright, the music less enjoyable?

We can change our realities in an instant just with the power of an emotion.

Emotions are by far the most powerful thing on our planet.  If someone could invent an emotional time bomb all other weapons would be obsolete.

In an instant we can change how we feel or think about something and that literally colours our world.

But here’s the thing.  So many people come to me with a belief created by an emotion, a belief that is holding them back.  For example ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I am not attractive’. This belief was created in seconds.  So why do people struggle with the concept that what can be created in seconds by an emotion can’t be corrected in seconds by a more positive one.

Ever heard the saying be careful what you wish for?  It’s the same thing.  Be careful what you allow yourself to think.

No one can make you think, feel or colour your world unless you choose to let them.

* Disclaimer: results may vary from person to person

 

Why do I do that? All behaviour serves a purpose.

Posted on by
Reply

I know I am always banging on about this but if one thing stayed with me from my training it’s the statement ‘all behaviour serves a purpose’ because it’s true.

No matter what people come to me for, I intently listen to the thing they want to stop doing.  Not because that’s how to improve things for them, but because that’s the biggest clue to what’s really going on.  That behaviour is almost always protecting them in some way, even though by doing so it’s causing them distress.  So I listen to what they are doing and think to myself and if they do that what is it stopping them doing.

Some examples are:

  • over eating – what’s it stopping them doing?  Losing weight – why would your subconscious put you through that?
  • I shake or stutter in public – what’s it stopping them doing? Being happy to be in public places – why would your subconscious do that?
  • I seem to only choose bullying partners – what’s it stopping them doing?  Being with someone nice – why would your subconscious do that?

The list goes on and on but the principle is the same.  The ‘why would your subconscious do that’ question helps me home in on the real issue. I work on the belief that even though the issues people are dealing with are causing them stress, they are created to protect. So my job is to work with the client to try and get to why your subconscious thinks you need protecting. By drilling down, we get to it.

These are generalizations but you’ll hopefully see what i mean…

  • over eating – by staying big you wont attract a partner so no chance of another heart break….
  • stuttering or shaking in public – well this would put you off being in public so you cant do or say anything to make yourself feel embarrassed in some way ….
  • choosing bullying partners – by doing that you can stay away from someone that might just make you really give your heart and then risk it getting broken again….or something in you makes you think you don’t deserve better….

As I said, generalisations, but it hopefully shows the maps I use to get to the root of your true issue, because what you present with is the side effect not the true problem. Roots and branches.

Some therapists will cut off the branch, i.e. give you the strength for a few weeks to diet or copping strategies to stay calm in social situations.  You will feel better for a few weeks but because you have not gotten to the root, your issue will return with vengeance and you will then feel nothing can help you.

I go for the root every time. Snip the head off a weed it will grow back, but if I pull the root out…..

 

  * Disclaimer:  results may vary from person to person

Stepping on every other paving slab – why not?

Posted on by
Reply

A lot of clients I see for depression have come to me because I am their last hope.  They tried counselling and all types of therapy and now depend on drugs for an even keel. Their paths are set in their minds.

I am going to stick my neck out here but I truly believe that no one is born depressed. Oh, I concede there are genetics and stuff but as a rule I won’t accept that things have to be just because no one has been able to prove otherwise – yet!

I don’t believe our paths are set but I do believe that an ideal destination has been, that’s specific for each of us.  Years ago the Romans built one long straight road.  I believe you can walk that or rather let it lead you and that you can take a few detours and have a look around on your trip.

The people that come to me with depression can only see the one road.  They can’t see the signs all around them detouring them off for the scenic route. The drugs make that road easy but also keep you on that road, obliviousness to the scenic detours.

The first thing I say to them when they tell me there is no hope is ‘why are you here then?’ They come because something in them – a fire, a life force won’t give in. I believe it’s that life force that helps us choose the paths we want to take to our destination. If life really won’t get any better what’s the problem with just humouring me and taking a detour – you have nothing to lose after all.

Through Cog Hyp I gently lead them off the road and we take a minute to enjoy the view or the new perspective. We walk further down the detour and find it’s a different country with new experiences, the air tastes better…..

My clients say ‘that was nice but when I leave your hut I am back on my path, you can’t change fate’. But here’s the thing.  No I can’t change your fate when you leave my hut you step back into the reality of your life.  I ask my clients to notice the paving slabs leading them away from my hut and again, just to humour me, walk beside them or miss every second one on the way out.  Sounds simplistic but depression is an enormous weight and burden. It’s a prison. There is no escape in my client’s minds. The path is set.

Tiny changes equal changes that seem so insignificant to my clients but start to change their mind set.  Ever watched two ocean liners? One has a slight compass change, maybe only half a degree out on the other. For ages they run side by side but every hour they are slightly further apart.  It’s so small a change you could not notice it but over time that tiny half a degree will have them thousands of miles apart, heading to different destinations. Clients struggle to notice that half a degree but the course is set and the path has been changed.  I love it when one day they look out from the helm of their ships and realize their paths have changed. Step off the path or dare to miss every other paving slab – who knows where it could lead?

  * Disclaimer: results may vary from person to person

Tree pruning v get the root out

Posted on by
Reply

Tree pruning v get the root out…..

I was looking back through my client notes and noticed I draw the same picture in every initial consultation – a very sad looking tree. The reason is, pictures speak a thousand words. I draw a tree with branches and put their presenting issue on one of the branches. I explain that a lot of ” therapists” will butcher the branch off and that for a few weeks their presenting issue will go. But, as with all weeds, if you do not get to the root it will grow back, stronger and slightly different.  The problem is made worse.

An example.

In my early days of being a therapist I had a lady come to me who wanted to loose weight. She was hell bent that chocolate was the problem. Being keen and naive I dealt with the chocolate issue and loved the accolade of her telling everyone how great I was because she did not eat chocolate anymore!  A few weeks later she was back – no weight loss – yes she had stopped eating chocolate but had now developed an obsession for jelly babies. I was at fault for disregarding all my training and going for the quick fix or sticky plaster. I did not look for the root. Now this could have gone on for months and each time I removed her craving for something – something else would have stepped in.

Clients want you to sort them out quick and a lot of therapists will happily take your money and prune your branch.  Oh you will keep going back because you will be amazed that they stopped you eating chocolate – but in my humble opinion they are failing you and my profession. Now when I draw my trees I put the roots in.  I tell this tale allowing me and my client seek out the root. You know, if you get to the root, it can’t live or grow and so the issue goes and a strange thing happens – the weight goes too!.

Yep its quicker to get the branches pruned but it’s pointless and expensive. So I guess I will continue to draw a tree for all my clients so we can both set our sights on doing the job properly and getting to the root of the issue.

 

  * Disclaimer:  results may vary from person to person

We Turned it on so our lovely midwifes and nurses could learn how to Switch it off!

Posted on by
Reply

We ‘Turned’ it on so our lovely midwifes and nurses could learn how to ‘Switch’ it off for one of our ‘Turn it on Switch it off’ stress coping training days.  We were joined at Hinchingbrook Hospital by ladies from far and wide to take part in the day.

The day was focussed on who you are not your job tittle and that’s really important because you don’t need more training on how to do your job. We recognise, with all our training courses, that if the individual behind the job title is in a good place, everything else falls into place.

We spent the day teaching the delegates anchoring techniques for themselves and the people they look after, how to find a really positive state of being, and to anchor that state for whenever you need it. For some that was a state of calmness, for others it was a confident state, but as with all we do we make sure its about the individual. We also taught some NLP stress relief techniques which again could be used by the individual or utilised within their work with their patients. This included techniques for noticing what it is that stops you doing or being the version of you, you would wish to be and how to find ways to change those road blocks into stepping stones!

The afternoon was all about communication, as often poor communication is the basis for stressful situations to arise. By the end of the afternoon everyone in the room was reading eye patterns, noticing language patterns in others and mirroring body movements that all lead to a much greater ability to build report.  The day was rounded off with a mindfulness session to bring all the learning from the day together and specifically designed around anchoring the perfect state for each individual in the room to be the best version of themselves.

The evaluation forms that provide us with feed back for the day were fantastic.  Everyone left in a much better place with new skills to get them through their days at work and play.  And yes ladies , we will be doing more in the very near future.

Turn it On Switch it Off

Turn it On Switch it Off

Turn it On Switch it Off

Turn it On Switch it Off

Turn it On Switch it Off

Turn it On Switch it Off